In the Book of Philippians Paul shares with us an inward thought of his spirit, an intimate longing and desire he carried deep within his heart and mind all the days of his life and probably was not fulfilled during his time on earth, but will be fulfilled some day maybe soon, “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; 11 If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.” (Philippians 3:10-11)

The word “know” here in verse 10 is quite different not in spelling, but in intensity. Here the knowing of God Paul desires is a deep intimate understanding not touched with our senses, logic, or our mental ascent to God, but an understanding that can only be touched with our spirit through His work in our lives. Now I find it strange that Paul would use these words in Philippians 3:10, because at least once I believe Paul was resurrected from the dead, he knew God's resurrection power, “And there came thither certain Jews from Antioch and Iconium, who persuaded the people, and, having stoned Paul, drew him out of the city, supposing he had been dead.” (Acts 14:19 ) and many times Paul was joined with the “fellowship of his sufferings.” As he neared the end of his life, Paul said, “ Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. 25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.” (2 Corinthians 11:24-27) And after all of this Paul still had an intimate desire to be “made conformable unto his death.” Paul was more concerned about being conformed to Christ's death than His life. Paul knew the secret of living a victorious life in God and that was dying to our self life. Jesus taught the disciples and us too, “He t hat findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it” (Matthew 10:39 ) Please notice if we find our life (our self is alive and well) we shall lose our life. But if we lose our life (our self life is put to death by God's dealings and judgments) for His sake we shall find it. Now please also notice losing comes first finding comes second. Our self life is subtle, even religious at times. It tries so hard to be satisfied by our carnal nature and it will say and do anything it must to stay alive. It even will deceive you into believing you are correctly moving in God, doing what He wants you to be doing, while all along you are over in areas of presumption and not doing what God wants you to be doing. For us to live the overcoming life of God we must like Paul have this intimate desire to be “ made conformable unto his death.”

So many Christians today read these verses and glibly recite them (I too can include myself in this group) wanting what Paul wanted, but are not willing to pay the price Paul paid. You know there is a price we will pay to know God's presence, to feel Him, to know He is beside us. There is another price, a cost we will pay to know God's power and have His power course through our body to touch lives and hearts, even to do signs and wonders. And my friend there is a different and separate price we must pay to know His person. This is an absolute, unflinching cost that Paul was willing to pay and if we desire to know the person of God as Paul did we too must willfully lay our self life down for His sake so that we may find the life God has for us.

I just returned from two weeks in Nigeria what a wonderful time, but what a very dangerous time. Pastor Israel Ibironke, Senior Pastor of the Faithfuls Church, Lagos and Pastor Mike Olufemi from Aviele took great care of me as we traveled the highways and the country side sharing the Gospel. While in the Muslim town of Aviele we had the opportunity to strengthen Pastor Mike's young church and hold a crusade. Pastor Israel is a very charismatic speaker. I told him, I will stand them up (get them here because I am white and from the States) and you can knock them down (deliver the Gospel message in their language and method) and oh how God moved. When night fell and out of the darkness over 400+ Muslims came to hear what we had to say. But, in all this victory and extreme danger I just wanted to go home and see my wife and children. As strange as it may seem my desire was to save my self life, save my self from all of the constant police harassment and dangers that lurked in Nigeria . I wanted nothing standing in the way of me departing Lagos when I was scheduled to fly. My desire to depart grew stronger the closer I got and the closer I got the more I thought something would stop me from leaving. Now this was not fear it was God killing my self life the more. You see when God speaks to us it is His very words that begins to kill our self life. “David go to Nigeria and share the Gospel,” in His words to me and for me to be obedient and successful some of my self life needed to die. It is our obedience to His words that begins to kill our self life. And all along the way of walking in obedience our legs will be weak and our hands will hang at our sides. We will need to be strengthened after the inward man if we are to be successful and do that which God has asked us to do. It is God's words that threaten our self life that threaten all we want to do and say. Our self life screams; I want to live, I do not want to do that, I do not want to go there, I do not want to say that, our self life wars within our thoughts and spirit for control of our heart and mind. “For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. 20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. 21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. 22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.” (Romans 7:19-25) This battle over our self life ever rages as long as we are alive on planet earth, but there is coming a time when the last battle will be fought and the war will be over and we shall reign victoriously with Him.

Brethren let us like Paul intimately desire to be “ made conformable unto his death” not His life. The word “made” here gives us a clue that God will take us through a process, through His dealings and judgments, that at the end we will be able to say “ If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.” (Philippians 3:11) Only when we have allowed God to work in our lives bringing death to our self life more and more will we, like Paul, be able to say, “by any means.”